Sometimes I let myself go. Not physically but mentally. Sometimes I get too comfortable with where I am at and forget to challenge myself mentally. Those times when I let myself go, I feel myself becoming the girl I have fought to not go back to. Those days when I can’t stop crying, I have to find a way to center myself. I immediately come to my pen and paper and I write – I write what I am grateful for, I write what I love about me. I write blog posts or I just write my thoughts down. I write until my tears stop flowing and are replaced with over pouring realizations of how lucky and blessed I am and how ridiculously beautiful I am inside and out.
It’s often hard for me to express what I am feeling verbally, because for so long I was ridiculed for how I felt by someone I trusted. But for as long as I can remember, I used writing to vocalize my feelings, I used writing to heal myself, even when I didn’t realize that writing was my healing mechanism. When I got in trouble with my parents when I was younger, I would cry about it and then write a letter telling them how sorry I was and how grateful I was for them. I would hand my parents the letter and it not only made them feel better, it made me feel better, it helped to dry my eyes and clear my mind.
It’s crazy how life brings you full circle – now writing is still such a vital piece in my mental health recovery. I still write to heal myself and I hope that through my writing, my story and my openness, I can help others too.
Life isn’t always going to be full of rainbows and butterflies, there will be hard times that come your way, but if you can find something that keeps you grounded, keeps you sane and brings light to the situation, I encourage you to do that. I am not sure where I would be if I didn’t have writing as my expressive outlet. If you don’t know what yet works for you, grab a pen and paper or grab your phone and go in your notes and just write. Write down whatever you are feeling and watch how many realizations you have, and how much better you will feel.
I know it is possible that I will get comfortable again, that I will let myself go, and possibly even lose myself, but I know I will never roam too far from writing and the beauty and strength it gives me to carry on. And I know that writing will help put my life in perspective again and force me to implement self-care and get right back on this self-love train over and over again. When I feel helpless, I write. When I feel happy, I write. When I feel sad, I write. Writing truly helps me put the pieces of my story together.
You are worthy of finding something that brings you light. You are worthy of better days. If writing doesn’t work, keep searching, keep fighting, use whatever tool you need to in order to bring love and light into your life, use whatever that will keep you going and make you whole again on those days when you have let yourself go. And through the entire process, forgive yourself. We all sometimes let ourselves go both physically and mentally. But we don’t have to let those hard times be the end of our story, we can realize our worth over and over and be made whole again.
Keep going my friends, you are worth it.
Be Beautifully Simply You