I truly believe that the feelings we are experiencing now and our feelings of the past are valid and deserve to be heard. Those feelings also deserve to be listened to by someone who is caring and understanding.
I unfortunately was in a relationship where my feelings were made out to be invalid and quite often I was made to feel small and inadequate for the way I felt. I can remember expressing how I felt and being told that my thoughts were essentially meaningless in the grand scheme of things and to just get over it. My ex never understood how I felt, and what I think was even worse was that he never even took the time to try and understand, and on the rare times that he did, it was an exhausting battle to get to that point. Opening up to someone who only criticized my feelings made me feel inferior, made me feel like my feelings were invalid and that I was worthless.
From that relationship, I realized several things. I realized after too long that I was a victim of an emotionally abusive relationship and that I needed to surround myself with people who were there for me, even if they didn’t understand. I needed to be around people who listened without judgement, even if they didn’t have the right words to say. From that day forward, I vowed to never make anyone feel the way he made me feel. So I make sure that even if I don’t understand someone’s point of view, that I ask questions, I engage, but most of all, I listen. I know how painful it is to feel like you and your feelings are not good enough, and I never want to make someone feel the way I was manipulated to feel for 3 years.
Since that relationship, I have truly discovered the power of listening. I now open myself up to people who I know will listen, try their best to understand and make me feel valid. There were people all along willing to listen and provide care and love for me, but I was too beaten down mentally and so badly drained that I was fearful of opening up to others. I was afraid of being judged even further for how I felt, so I hid things from the very people I should have reached out to. But that is what stigma does to you, it creates this roadblock that holds you back. I know not all of my problems are the worst things in the world, I know someone else out there has it worse than I do, I know there are some things I should brush off and let go, but I also know that all of those feelings are important to me. So having someone shut your feelings down and tell you that your feelings are less than important, truly hurts your soul and makes you afraid to open up again in the future.
Some of us are struggling more than others, but I believe that because each of us is struggling in our own way, we deserve to be heard, we deserve to get help, we deserve to have supporting and understanding people around us that help put our situation in perspective, we deserve to be listened to.
I hope that no matter what people have told you in the past, whether that was to “suck it up” “get over it”, “that is stupid that you feel that way” or something worse, that today you hear me when I say that your feelings are valid and deserve to be heard. Unfortunately some people won’t understand, but keep seeking out those that are willing to listen, because those people are the ones who will help you to grow and find love, strength and beauty in yourself.
Exactly a year later after I walked away from my ex, my current boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend and one of the first things he said after he asked me was, “Your feelings are valid”. He spoke those words without me even saying anything to prompt it. He gave me permission to speak my mind and continues to reassure me that all of my feelings, big and small are valid and he truly hears me. Thinking of how my life has changed brings tears to my eyes. Surround yourself with love and validation from yourself and from others, the rest will follow.
Be Beautifully Simply You
5 thoughts on “Your Feelings Are Valid”
Check plus! Thank you for sharing.
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Thanks for reading Janet!
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Thank you for sharing this message in particular, it was a reminder for me. As of late I have been evaluating and questioning my relationships. The types of people who I tend to attract are takers rather than givers. Takers of your time, energy, feelings, emotions, kindness, gifts, support and the list goes on. Any and everything you are willing to part with or not they will try to kill, steal and destroy or drain the life out of you. Without any compassion, concern or care to replenish you. It is equivalent to your message in that all of the above and some definitely leave no room or space in the relationship to be heard when needed. No sign or feeling they care about your concerns. They too are the first to say let it go, you need to move on, get over. Mainly because they care not to be so bothered.
I say all that to say how do I change my energy to change the type of people who come into my life like that it seems periodically. Or do I decide to just stay to myself and give up on relationships all together. Friendships or otherwise? I’m exhausted over this.
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Those people that you refer to as takers, I like to refer to them as manipulative. They take and take from you (as you mentioned: time, energy, emotions, love, etc) and then anything that you bring up that may be bothering you is somehow re-directed and put on you as your fault, and you are manipulated so much that you begin to believe that everything truly is your fault. I dealt with exactly the person you are describing for 3 years too long. It wasn’t until I realized that I had no sense of self-worth or self-esteem that I realized I was allowing this person to do this to me, because I depended on him for everything, yet I needed to be depending on myself and providing myself with the love and validation I craved.
To change your energy, I truly believe I think you have to focus on you. Figure out what you want, what makes you happy, always make yourself number one. I have found that once I separated myself from that negative and manipulative relationship, I was set free. I was set free to challenge myself in ways I was never bold enough to try before because I was afraid of the negativity I would receive from him. I made it my goal to challenge myself in all of the areas I was afraid of in my life, including loving myself. Once I started pushing myself, my self-esteem grew, and I was able to find qualities within myself I never knew of, and I truly began to love myself. I encourage you to write down things every day that you love about yourself and things you are grateful for, write down your goals and things that scare you and figure out how to tackle them head on. Once you put more positivity and self-love in your life, you will attract others who love you the same way that you love you.
Self-love is HARD but it is so worth it. Become okay with yourself, all the good and the bad. Once I realized how great of a person I was, I recognized my worth, and once I recognized my worth, I surrounded myself with friends and loved ones who only made me feel good about myself and it made it easier to eliminate those not meant/good for me. Once I recognized my worth, I attracted someone who also recognized my worth and I am now in a happy, loving relationship. Don’t give up on relationships all together, there are SO many beautiful people in this world who want to be around beautiful people like YOU. Keep going, know that those who bring negative energy will only bring you down and are only part of your journey to be a part of your GROWTH to a better you.
“Perhaps we should love ourselves so fiercely, that when others see us, they know exactly how it should be done”
Thank you so much for the amazing feedback. You are absolutely correct.
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