Growing up, I hated change. My parents went to an open-house once, just to have something to do one afternoon, and I spent hours crying, begging for us to not move, I couldn’t stand the thought of that change. My mom changed the layout of the furniture in our family room growing up, and I came home every day from school before she got home from work to change the furniture back to the way it was before it had been changed. She would then change the room back to how she wanted it and we would go back and forth like this for days until one of us got too tired and gave in. It was likely my mother who gave in to my endless desire to keep things the same.
Every time I got into a new relationship, I thought I couldn’t live my life without them. Jumping from one relationship to the next, I was terrified of what it meant to be alone. Being alone was a change too big to handle, so I stayed in relationships that were not good for me, just because being alone was too scary.
The one thing that is constant in our lives, is that there will always be change. People grow and move on and out of our lives, we change jobs or careers, we change homes, we change styles, we change states, we change our eating habits, the list goes on and on. Some of the bigger changes in our lives, are incredibly scary. For me, I have always wanted control over situations, and when a change is happening and I am unsure of what will happen next, my anxiety takes over, and negative thoughts consume me.
It wasn’t until I embraced change head on, on a two-hour drive home from Connecticut, after ending one of the most toxic relationships that I had been in, that I would embark on a journey where I would finally see the growth that comes along with change. Change was foreign to me, I was walking into a new life, to build a new life for me and by me. I needed to embrace the change that came along with being single, and the changes it would take to find out who I was. While on this journey, I had to constantly make changes. I was trying to figure out how I was going to love myself, a person I had hated for so long. I had to keep re-arranging the furniture in my own life, often misguided on where each piece should go. Until I realized, that the furniture doesn’t need to be perfectly laid out. I can change the furniture, put a table on top of a couch and still have a chair to sit on. Furniture reference aside, I realized that my life didn’t need to be perfect, that changes make our lives pretty messy, but that change does not stop me from continuing on my journey. Change, however, just makes me wiser, stronger, and more prepared for the next sudden change.
Change is still undoubtedly scary for me. I am constantly adapting to change and constantly trying to keep my mind at ease when a major change makes my fear of the unknown go out of control. Change may be very, very scary for you as well. But change does something to you that is worth the fear. Change allows you to grow. Change forces you out of your comfort zone and into a zone of new beginnings. Without changing some parts of your life, you may never experience the beauty in new parts of your life that come from change.
I am who I am because I have experienced changes in my life. And you are who you are because you have also experienced changes in your life. Even when the change coming in your life terrifies you, you can find the positive in the change. You can recognize that even though change makes our lives a bit messy, there is always a blessing in change, and there is always growth beyond our dreams.
If you are going through a change, even if you want to re-arrange your furniture of your life back to how it was before when you were more comfortable with the couch on the right and the chair on the left, growth will come when you allow the room to change, and mold into a new opportunity, a chance to flourish, a chance to step out of your comfort zone and do something beautiful.
Be Beautifully Simply You