How often do you show up for other people? Is it the same amount that you show up for yourself?
How often are you complimenting others? Is it the same amount that you are complimenting yourself?
How often do you show compassion to others? Is it the same amount of love and compassion you show to yourself?
If your answer to each of the questions pertaining to yourself are no, you are not alone. I know exactly how it feels to show up for others but do almost nothing for myself, to spread myself thin and put others needs above my own, and to love others but not like myself. And I know so many others out there feel the same.
We easily show up for others. We pour from our own cup without thinking about filling our own. For those we are closest with, we will make sure that we are the only one standing and clapping for a standing ovation at the end of their presentation. But for ourselves, we shy away from even stepping on the stage.
When I started showing up for myself, doing what I wanted, and doing it unapologetically, I found joy, peace and understanding of myself. I had to push myself to compliment myself like I compliment others. I had to push myself to get on the stage and be the one giving myself a standing ovation for myself, and not waiting for someone else to do it.
Showing up for myself meant loving myself and finally being at peace with who I am. This is what I’ve learned along the way:
Be your own best cheerleader
Always make sure you have people cheering you on. But never get to a point where you depend solely on the support from others to reach your goals. Not everyone is always going to support you and your dreams. It’s important that you can remind yourself of your own capability, especially on those days when your goals seem millions of miles away. Seek approval and acceptance from within. Know your worth. And celebrate you every day. Celebrate all of your small and big wins. Create the largest standing ovation for you and by you. Cheer yourself along every step of the way simply for being you.
Treating yourself can range from enjoying some delicious ice cream, to getting a massage, to taking a nap, to doing an activity you enjoy or simply pausing in the chaos of your life to just be. For the first time in months, I watched an entire movie. I sat down with encouragement from my boyfriend to just be for 2 hours and not think about anything else. At first it felt wrong, but afterwards, that treat made me feel so rejuvenated and a little bit more like myself. Remember to take a step away from your busy life to do something you enjoy. Don’t let life pass you by without taking some time for you. You and your refreshed mind and body will thank you for it. Go ahead and go out of your way to do something nice for you for a change.
Take things one day at a time and show compassion for yourself when you mess up.
Our lives are stressful. I’m lucky if you even got this far in the blog post because our lives are so go, go, go. What I have learned is to take things one day at a time. Even though it is easier said than done, it doesn’t help to worry about things you can’t control. Focus on the here and now and just take things as they come, knowing you are exactly where you are supposed to be in this very moment and everything is going to happen exactly as it should. Trust the process. And on this journey, be kind to yourself. It is likely you will mess up, be angry with yourself, cry, scream, or even fail. But if you can remember that within every lesson is a blessing, if you can be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and know you are doing the best you can, you will already be winning and the journey will be that much easier.
Do what feels right for YOU
If you listen to the opinions of others, you may never be able to experience what brings you joy. One of the best things I did for myself in learning to show up for me was finding things that I enjoyed doing. And if no one else enjoyed doing those things, I went on my own. Your happiness is most important, so sometimes that means saying no to plans, and yes to you time. Whatever it is that makes you feel good. Do that. Set boundaries. Remove the people and situations that drain you and focus on the people and situations who make you feel alive. Life is way too short to do things and hang out with people that don’t bring us joy. My therapist recently told me a quote by Brene Brown that was the breakthrough I needed to put my needs first – “When you set boundaries, you will be less liked, but you will be more loving”
Morale of the story is this – you are worthy of joy, love and happiness, exactly in this moment. If you are searching and feel lost, know that I have been there and sometimes, I am still there. But also know that if you take the time to show up for yourself, and find what works for you, not for anyone else, you will feel like you are a little bit less lost. You will feel like your puzzle pieces are finally fitting together. You will start to feel whole, because your cup will be full, your heart will be full of love for yourself, and you will be your biggest cheerleader, standing up taller than anyone in the room, letting the world know how amazing you truly are.
Be Beautifully Simply You