Today is another day without energy or motivation. Maybe you’re tired of hearing this from my blogs, I’m tired of feeling this way.
My husband and I recently took our delayed honeymoon. Like many people during COVID, our plans have pivoted and changed. During our trip to Arizona, we decided to enjoy a WNBA game. During the game, I began reflecting on my favorite movie, Love and Basketball. The lead female, Monica, decides that she was going to quit playing basketball and her ex boyfriend, Quincy, and fellow basketball lover couldn’t quite understand why she would quit the game they both loved. Monica eventually realizes that the game isn’t fun for her anymore, because Quincy was no longer part of her life. The movie ends with them playing a 1 on 1 game to fight for his heart and get back together. If you know this movie, you know this is a heartfelt scene.
I realized that I too am like Monica. Speaking, blogging, life in general, really isn’t fun for me anymore without my mom. The difference is, I can’t play a game to fight to get her back, she’s gone from this physical world. The pain is too much to bear. I really am not sure what my future holds around the work I was once so passionate about.
I struggle with blogging now, mostly because I don’t have much positivity to share with all of you, because I feel anything but positive. I know my mom would want me to find it within me to push through this pain, but it’s just much too difficult right now for me. I preach positivity and self-love, but I also want to remind you that it’s okay to have days, weeks or in my case, months, where you don’t feel so positive or happy. I don’t think I’ve ever had to embrace the phrase, “It’s Okay To Not Be Okay” more than I have right now in my life.
So if you’re struggling – I see you. If it’s been months and you still don’t feel like yourself – I’m here with you, most days I don’t recognize myself. Most days I don’t see the happy, care free, loving Ivy I used to be. I’m learning that that’s okay. If you are learning to reinvent yourself without someone you loved in your life, I walk with you every day.
I guess my positive message for you would be – it’s okay, even if people tell you to move on or expect you to move on, it’s okay if it’s still bothering you. It’s okay if some days are harder than others, it’s okay if all days are hard. But I never want you to forget that you are never alone.
Speaking, blogging, my life – it may all never feel the same, but I’m trying my best. And that’s all we can really ask for. Whatever your best is today, even if that’s just brushing your teeth – I’m proud of you.
Today is another really hard day for me, but I will continue to hold onto hope that better days are coming.
I walk with you.
Be Beautifully Simply You
4 thoughts on “It’s Okay If The Days Are Still Hard For You, They Are For Me Too”
Even in your worst, deepest and darkest moments of grief and pain, you amazingly still and always manage to articulate your thoughts honestly and eloquently.
Our world can be so full and too full of shoulda, should haves , shoulds. People telling us how we should be feeling or healing or handling a situation. But as you underscore. It’s a personal journey. Each of us have to have our own timeline and manner in which we live or work through an experience or period of time or loss. There’s no prescription.
You are so right. It’s ok to be where you are. Sitting with your feelings or situation. We can certainly feel stuck and as if we are in quagmire and as if we are slowly drowning.
But I believe we are inherently resilient. We just need to trust and allow ourselves to sit with our feelings.
Even when you feel you are offering little, you are providing infinite and profound wisdom to many. We cannot always be cheery and positive and uplifting. I cry easily and a lot these days. It’s ok that it makes others uncomfortable. It doesn’t mean I’m less strong. It means I am scared or sad.
Your voice is trusted and what you share matters. Moments matter in life just as much as words matter. Even single morsel of time and every single snippet of words.
Keep sharing and know even when you are feeling low , your insights make us soar or the bring an inner calm because we know we are in safe and good company.
Your mum would be so very proud of you for how you share and especially at this most difficult time. I am enormously proud of you.
Like the weather, I suspect you will have mixed conditions for a long long time. Sunshine and Rain. Light and Darkness. And you will press on through those conditions, whatever they may be.
Look for the purple in this gray day. I will too.
I love you and am thinking of you so much.
#youvegotthis #youareamazingnomatterwhat #💜💜💜💜💜
💜 Purple and Yellow 💜
Sent from my iPhone
This made me quite emotional (in a good way) as I think it’s so encouraging to realize that we aren’t alone in our struggles. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in September 2019 and had his first round of surgeries in December 2019 just before Covid came along to make things even more stressful. He is doing well now and had his last lot of treatment/surgeries in March this year so it’s been hard to get out of the survival mode we both existed in for those years. I sometimes feel like I don’t recognize myself anymore — and I know that eventually that will evolve into a positive. This post was so comforting — thank you!
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Thank you Molly for sharing this with me. It makes me feel good that my message today helped you. Cancer is so terrible to go through, and so hard to watch your loved ones go through it. I know what you’re going through must be so hard, even despite now getting through the thick of his treatments. Sending you all the love, so glad that my message was comforting xoxo
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